The Paper Guy

Holy crap.  While walking the dog this morning I experienced the paper guy.  I had no idea.  Despite what the 8-bit days of video gaming taught us, the paper guy is not a 10 year old kid on a bicycle dodging all manner of hazards.  In my neighborhood, the paper guy is a large 50 year old guy in a funky mini-minivan creating all manner of hazards.

I was up a little early this morning, so at 6:15 I took the dog for her morning walk.  On our way over to the park, I saw this car like thing careening around our small, tight, neighborhood roads.  It was a little weird, but we were on the sidewalk so I just tightened up on Kina's leash and watched as it came to careen past us. I was not expecting the plastic bag projectile that shot out the window and passed a few inches in front of and over my head.  It made me jump back, and I almost cursed at the guy, but the paper landed literally leaning against the center of the door of its intended house.  A few houses down three more papers flew out of the window in quick succession at three consecutive town houses, all hitting their exact marks.  He flew around the corner and several more shot off towards houses on that side. 

About as I came up on the corner he'd just gone around, the guy then flew back around the circle and stopped his car in the same corner.  The car was an old early-90s thing that looked like a mini-van in terms of height and boxiness, but only would have seated 4-5 people.  The driver's door flew open and a tall, fat guy with all white hair jumped out of the car carrying 3 papers.  He was probably only in his late 40s/early 50s, but the years had worn on him quite a bit.  In the car, newspapers were piled all over the dashboard blocking half the windshield.  They were all over the passenger seat as well.  Kina and I were turning away from the street to head into the park, and without a word of warning, the guy practically ran us over.  He had to deliver papers to a few houses that aren't really on the road, and the end unit's door faces away from the road entirely so he has to get around the block.  So he bulled by us to toss the papers at the houses, then jogged back to the car, and raced off. 

The whole thing was a little surreal.  Kina looked about as confused as I felt.  Fortunately she didn't go after any of the flying papers.  I don't know if this is a normal day for him, but in addition to being bizzare his efficiency was kind of impressive.